Let's Pretend This Title Doesn't Suck
by Bellatrix567
Summary: So one day I got bored and wrote a story...
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Dragonfable DUH! I only own Ammarath. My friends own Lilli, Tiger and Naomi.**

**Yeah this is just something random me and my friend created... enjoy!**

**Oh and it deleted all my indents on the paragraphs, sorry. :)**

One bright sunny day full of death, Lilli and Ammarath were sitting outside the Kave. They were told by Lady Celestia to go inside the cave and wait outside.  
"Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored," Lilli said.  
"Let me guess," Ammarath said. "You're bored?"  
"I'm bored?" said Lilli. "What gave you that idea? WELL DUH I'M BORED YOU $%^$^$^!"  
"Excuse me you little b%&?" said Ammarath. "I am not a $%^$^$^!"  
"Ok we should stop fighting," said Lilli. "It hurts my soul."  
"It hurts my ears," said Ammarath.  
"We should have packed a snack," said Lilli.  
"Yeah we should have," Ammarath said. "Hey Lilli guess what? I'm bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bore..."  
But then a puff of smoke appeared and a strange rectangular metal thingy appeared. The word 'Phone' was written across the top. The strange thing opened and out came three sexy guys. Two of them fell on the ground; one of them was wearing metal armor and he had brown eyes and brown hair and when he pooped it was brown. The other one was in a green robe with funky bandages all over his arms from the time he and his girlfriend went in the bedroom (she was a Chickencow). He had dark brown hair that went all over his face so you couldn't see his eyes. He also had army boots that made him very tall. The guy with armor had his hand in the green guy's crotch. The third guy had long black hair and he was dressed like Aladdin except he didn't look stupid he looked hot. He had tanned skin and pointy ears and green eyes and he didn't fall down he landed on his feet and stood up.  
"Greetings!" said the cute guy who was wearing armor.

"ARTIX!?" said Lilli.

"Hiya!" said the guy in green who had someone's hand in his crotch.

"CYSERO!?" said Lilli.

"Hey," said the hot guy who you know who he is cause he's the only one left.

"WHO ARE YOU YOU'RE HOT!" said Ammarath.

"Umm... ok then Ammarath," said Lilli.

"You don't remember me?" said the hot guy.

"This must be before Ammarath lost her virginity," said the cute guy named Artix.

"Excuse me you a****** that's none of your business pervert!" said Ammarath.

"Um... Artix? Exactly when did you learn...?" the hot guy asked.

"Wow Ammarath, you're still a virgin?" said Lilli. "I lost mine... uh... in the future.. with him!" she pointed at Artix.

"But I'll lose mine first!" said Ammarath. "With him!" she pointed at the hot guy. "What's your name?"

"I'm Zhoom," he said.

"Anyway, we just stopped by to say hi," said Artix. "Bye now." There was another puff of smoke and he, Zhoom and Cysero disappeared.

"That was weird," Ammarath said as they returned to Falconreach. They went to the Inn where Serenity gave them cups of white stuff.

"Hey you guys," a mage in a blue robe with orange punk hair came and sat across from them.

"Hi Tiger," said Lilli. Lilli was blonde, with a tiara in her hair. She had blue eyes that matched the trim of her otherwise whitish-grey robe. Ammarath had long black hair, tied up in a high ponytail, along with a black robe trimmed with red. She had dark eyes.

"So where were you guys?" said Tiger.

"Guess what?" said Lilli. "I GOT MY DRAGON!"

"I want a dragon!" said Tiger. "Ammarath, you promised you would help me with mine!"

"I know, I know," said Ammarath. "But come on, I've had to deal with Lilli here complaining about being bored all the time."

"Gosh that must be difficult," said Tiger.

"Hey you guys I'm RIGHT HERE!" screamed Lilli.

"Oh yeah sorry," said Tiger. "Anyway today I was in Oaklore Keep and I saw this really sexy guy with sexy blonde hair and sexy brown eyes and sexy huge hunky armor and a sexy packman where his boob would be if he was girl."

"Right then," said Ammarath. "Well today Lilli and I met some sexy people from the future their names were Artix and Zhoom and Cysero was there too."

"Cysero is a $%$%#!" said Tiger.

"Oh hi," said Cysero coming up behind them. "Yes I do have a pet female dog, Tiger." Tiger blushed and ran away screaming "POTATOES!"

"bye then," said Cysero. He walked away. The minute he left a rogue walked in. She had really really really long white hair that came out of her head and her armpits too. Her armor was blue and she had big red daggers.

"Hi Naomi," Ammarath called. "Mages are better than rogues!"

"I DON'T CARE Ammarath," said Naomi. "So what did you do today?"

Lilli quickly relayed their day about Artix and Zhoom from the future.

"I know them," said Naomi. "But... did you say Zhoom was hot? He's ANNOYING!"

"You're annoying!" Tiger cried from the other side of the room. A potato was in her hair now as she came back.

"Tiger, you really need to work on your comebacks," said Ammarath. "Like really. Like you can't succeed in life if you can't think of good comebacks."

"Yeah," said Lilli. "Like if your future boss says 'so do you want a job here?' and you say 'you're a job here!' then you're not going to get a job and you're going to fail in life."

"Gosh you guys are so mean!" said Tiger. She ran up and bit Naomi on the arm.

"Ach what did I do to you?" Naomi screamed.

"Oh oops wrong person," said Tiger. She jumped at Ammarath with her huge axe, but Ammarath took out her staff with three moving crystals on it and Tiger was hypnotized by the awesomeness of it.

"Anyway," said Lilli. "You said you know that guy Artix, Naomi?"

"Yeah, he lives in a little one-room hut up by the Nercopolis," said Naomi.

"Sexy!" said Lilli. "You've got to introduce us sometime."

"OOOH introduce me and Zhoom too!" said Ammarath.

"He's annoying though," said Naomi.

"So are you but I don't shun you now do I?" Ammarath retorted.

"Well actually..."

"Whatever. Mages are better than rogues."

"AMMARATH I DON'T CARE!" Naomi yelled.

"NAOMI SHUT UP!" Serenity screamed from across the room.

"Yeah Naomi," said Tiger.

"Where did you come from?" said Lilli. "There's a potato in your hair."

"Anyway you guys lets go on some quests, this is boring," said Tiger.

"You know what?" said Lilli. "I'm bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bore..."

"We already know that Lilli," said Ammarath.

Naomi sent Lilli and Ammarath off to Doomwood to go meet Artix. Tiger decided to tag along since she had nothing else to do and she needed Ammarath's help to go get a dragon. After fighting through a million undead, they arrived at the Necropolis, a huge skull that was actually a very well hidden secret entrance. A knight with a big sexy sword was pacing in front of the skull cursing.  
"Hey," said Lilli.  
"Oooh he's cute," said Tiger. "Hey sexy," she ran up to him and gave him a hug. The knight backed away from her.  
"Who are you?" he said.  
"I'm Tiger," she said flirtatiously. "Who are you?"  
"Uh.. I'm Artix."  
"Lilli think you're ho..." Ammarath began, but Lilli hit her across the face.  
"Ok you guys, um, that's nice," Artix began, blushing slightly while walking backwards away from Tiger.  
"I'm just going to sit here and watch," Ammarath jumped onto a big rock and settled down to see what would happen.  
"Hey Artix," said Lilli, "I'm Lilli."  
"And I'm Tiger and he likes me better," said Tiger.  
"Um... right then Tiger," said Lilli. "Why don't you go hang out with Ammarath?"  
"Tiger I'm going to Oaklore!" Ammarath called.  
"OOOHH Oaklore!" cried Tiger. "Let's go!" She and Ammarath got on their ponies (jet black and chestnut) and galloped away.  
"Sorry about her," Lilli said. "Tiger's really nice, she's just a little strange sometimes."  
"It's fine," Artix said. "You're Lilli, right?"  
"Yeah. You're Artix."  
"So," Artix said. "I've been trying to get into the Necropolis for some time now. Want to help?"  
"Sure," said Lilli. She took out her crystalline staff. "I like fighting."  
"Great. So, right now Moonridge is under attack from undead."  
"Let's go!"

"Hi Rolith," Tiger winked. "Got any more quests for me? Maybe.. in the bedroom?"  
"Tiger," Ammarath rolled her eyes. "That is NOT a good way to flirt!" But Rolith seemed to like it.  
"Oh yes I do," he said, grabbing Tiger and kissing her. Ammarath cracked up.  
"What?" Tiger asked when she and Rolith broke apart.  
"Nothing," Ammarath said. "I'm going to do some quests for Sir Asshole. See you later."  
"So then honey," Tiger put her arm around Rolith. "Whadda you wanna do?"  
"Tiger," Rolith said. "Will you go out with me?"  
"YES YES YES YES YES!" Tiger yelled. She grabbed Rolith and started making out with him.

"This is fun!" Artix cried, slicing through two undead zombies at once.  
"Yeah!" Lilli pretended to agree. She wasn't actually having that much fun - Ammarath was more of a necromancer. Surewould Forest was _much_ easier to fight in.  
Lilli shot down two undead with her ice magic, unaware as a third came up behind her. Lilli screamed as she fell to the ground. She rolled out of the way right before the zombie ran her through with it's sword.  
"Artix, help!"  
"Lilli!" Artix hurled his sword through the air. It hit the zombie just before it made another thrust at Lilli. Artix dashed over to help her up.  
"Lilli! Are you okay?"  
"I'm - I'm fine," she managed to say. Artix hugged her.  
"Maybe we should go back," Artix said. He picked up Lilli and brought her back to his house.

"Tiger! You JUST met him!" said Ammarath.  
"No," Tiger said. "We've known each other for a week or so - I just didn't tell you because you don't like packman."  
"And now you're dating?"  
"C'mon, Ammarath, you should be happy for me!" said Tiger. "I mean, he's only my tenth date so far!"  
"While I've only dated ONE person EVER who you set me up with!" said Ammarath.  
"Galanoth? He wasn't even cute!"  
"Yes I know, that's why I broke up with him! He also tried to kill Occidere."  
"He's a DragonSlayer, what did you expect?" said Tiger.  
"Still..."

**I know that ended on a really random note, but you should be happy and give me a review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own Dragonfable, etc. etc. etc.**

**Oh, and I copied a LOT of dialogue for Zhoom, Artix and all those random Moonridge people... don't own that, either. If I did, there would be a lot less typos and a LOT more commas... despite the many mistakes in the first chapter (I will fix those some day - like next year or something...)...**

**Now on with this randomness...**

As it turned out, Artix's house actually had TWO rooms and a bathroom. There wasn't much in the two rooms and the bathroom, just a bed and some clothes and armor and a toilet, etc.

"Wow," Lilli said. "You've got a nice house."

"Um... thanks?" Artix wasn't sure if she was being sarcastic or not.

"No really," Lilli insisted. "It's cool. But maybe you should go easy on the zombie parts for decoration..."

"Oh," Artix looked around at the rotting arms, legs and heads hung up around his house. He probably shouldn't show Lilli the bathroom where he'd hung up a male zombie's...

"Listen, I've gotta go," Lilli said sadly. "I promised to meet my friends later."

"Right," Artix said. "Well, bye then."

Lilli smiled and left. "See you later."

"So," Ammarath said, putting her feet up on the table. "What happened with you and Artix?"

"Nothing much," Lilli said, perching on the edge of her chair. "We just killed a bunch of undead and went to his house."

"And kissed?"

"No."

"Damn. I had a bet with Tiger that you would kiss before the end of the day... you owe me 300 gold."

"You know," said Lilli. "I could just go back later and kiss him then..."

"It's alright," Ammarath said. "I have another bet that you'll lose your virginity within the next week. You better help me on that one."

"You're _betting_ with Tiger on how my relationship with Artix is going to go!?" Lilli said indignantly.

"Well, yeah. Did it take you that long to realize?" Ammarath didn't wait for an answer. She called over Serenity, who owned the inn, and ordered ten chocolate sundaes.

"Damn, you're hungry," said Lilli.

"I'm feeling kinda depressed," said Ammarath. "God, show some feelings for once."

"Why are you depressed?"

"Because Naomi hasn't introduced me to Zhoom yet!" Ammarath cried. Serenity came over bearing a tray with the ten sundaes. "Thanks," Ammarath dumped 1000 gold in her hand. "Keep the change. I owed about that much anyway."

"You owed Serenity 1000 gold?" Lilli said, astounded.

"I got depressed after I broke up with Galanoth, too."

Tiger and Naomi came in and sat next to Lilli and Ammarath. "Holy shit, Ammarath, what's all that?" Naomi asked. "Are you on some anti-diet or something?"

"Isn't she always?" said Tiger. "I mean, it's really starting to show."

"Hey!" Ammarath threw a sundae at Tiger. "I weigh less than you!"

"But I'm taller," Tiger said.

"Yeah, that counts for something, Ammarath," Lilli said.

"You're just jealous that you're heavier than Naomi," Ammarath said, "And you're using the excuse that you're half an inch taller."

"I am not!" Lilli yelled.

"Yeah, she's started saying that she's _older_ than Naomi," Tiger said.

"Well, you won't need any excuse in a minute," Ammarath said. "Naomi, stop eating all my sundaes!"

Naomi burped and shoved away her empty cup. "Sorry, did I miss something?"

"Yes, you did!" said Ammarath. "You REALLY need to pay attention instead of just stealing people's food all the time."

"Yeah, 'cause you never do."

"I don't!" Ammarath grabbed Tiger's hamburger and ate it. "Wait, what was going on?"

"Hey you guys," Tiger said. "Guess what? I got a new boyfriend!"

"Again?" Lilli rolled her eyes. "Didn't you get one, what, last week?"

"He was annoying," Tiger said. "And his nose was off-center. So were some of his other body parts..."

"You were dating for five days and you already started having sex?" said Ammarath.

"I was talking about his EARS Ammarath, god you're so perverted," said Tiger.

"Oh, I'm the perverted one here!"

"Yes, you are!" yelled Naomi, Tiger and Lilli.

"I totally agree," Cysero appeared behind them and sat down. Tiger jumped.

"What are you doing here?!"

"Nothing," Cysero said innocently. He started sipping a clear, bubbling drink.

"What IS that?" Lilli asked. "It looks weird."

"It's called Sprite," said Cysero.

"What's 'Sprite'?" said Ammarath. "Some kind of poison?"

"Yes, actually," said Cysero. "It's very unhealthy and if you drink it all the time, you're going to get obese and die at age 20."

"Sounds awesome," Ammarath grabbed the glass and chugged the whole thing. "WOW that drink is amazing!" she said. "You guys need to try it!"

"Come to my shop later, I've got barrels of it," said Cysero.

"Great!" said Naomi. "Thanks, Cysero!"

"I'm good," said Tiger. "I've got to meet Rolith later."

"Rolith?" Cysero sounded disappointed.

"It's okay, she'll be over him next week," Ammarath muttered into one of her sundaes.

"Yeah," Tiger said carelessly. "He asked me out this morning."

"Oh," said Cysero. "Guess I'll be going, then." He slumped off disappointedly.

"Wait!" Naomi yelled. She got up, knocking over some sundaes.

"Damn," said Ammarath, "I need her to introduce me to Zhoom. HEY NAOMI!" she yelled. "Wait for me!"

"What?" Naomi turned around, scowling.

"When are you going to introduce me to Zhoom?" Ammarath demanded.

"I told you, he lives in the Sandsea," Naomi snapped. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go stalk Cysero. Bye." She turned and hurried off.

Cysero turned around to see Naomi running toward him.

"Naomi," he said, "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," she said breathlessly. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Cysero lied. _I'm just gonna go kill Rolith now, that's all._ "Just... whydidTigergooutwithRolith?" he blurted.

"What?"

"Why... did... Tiger... go...out...with...ROLITH!?" Cysero yelled.

"Because she likes Pacman," said Naomi. "Haven't you noticed?"

"Oh," Cysero's shoulders slumped. "Now I see how it is." He walked off dejectedly. This time Naomi had the sense not to follow him.

"So, what about it?" Ammarath said, sipping another sundae. "Are you going to the Sandsea with me, Lilli?" Tiger had gone off to make out with Rolith.

"I don't know," Lilli said. She had taken a sundae too. "I kind of want to stay in Doomwood."

"I thought you didn't like necromancy?"

"I'm not a fan of desertiness either," said Lilli. "And I think you know why I'm staying, Ammarath."

"Ugh," Ammarath said. "You are SO annoying, Lilli."

"Yeah," said Lilli. "You know what else I am? I'm bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored..."

Ammarath trudged through the sand in the Sandsea, panting. Now she knew how the place got its name. The whole damn place was NOTHING BUT SAND! It was in her shoes, in her clothes, in her mouth, and even in her bra. Ugh. And it was so HOT. Not the cool kind of hot, as in sexy hot. Just hot, as in 'why-the-hell-did-I-wear-black-robes' hot. And it SUCKED.

Ammarath caught sight of a little city nestled into the sands. She ran to it. There was a very strange dude with big boobs even though he was a man, and he was tying up his snapping camel. Ammarath went up to him.

"Pssst. Hey you," he whispered.

"Uh... are you talking to me?" Ammarath asked, stopping a few feet in front of him. There was no one else around.

"_Keep your voice down!"_ he whispered. He had a nice accent. "You are Ammarath, yes?"

"Yeah," Ammarath said. But this guy wasn't Zhoom - he was wearing shoes, and anyhow he was too pale. "Er... have we met?" Probably not - she'd never been to the Sandsea before, and she'd remember someone with an accent like that.

"No, I have friends in Falconreach that said you might come here, and you might be able to help us," he said.

"Oh, so you know Naomi, Tiger, or Lilli, then?" Ammarath said.

"Yes, Naomi and I are friends. I also dated Tiger once... for three days," he still sounded sad about that.

"Oh, sorry," said Ammarath. She waited for him to say something and fed her horse Nightingale a carrot.

"Well... are you going to ask about 'us'?" the guy demanded.

"No, we are NOT dating!" Ammarath jumped away. "I'm already set up with someone else!"

"I didn't mean it like that!" he said. "I'm risking more than you could know by telling you this: I'm not a virgin!"

"Um... that's good to know..." Ammarath started backing away.

"Wait!" the guy yelled. He was still tying up his snapping camel. "I'm part of the resistance against the tyrant Sek-Duat XV!"

"Why are you resisting Sex-Duel XV?" Ammarath said, "That sounds like fun! Is it like a tradition or something, having sex duels?"

"NO NO NO NO!" the guy screamed.

"Aren't we supposed to keep our voices down?" said Ammarath.

"Sek-Duat XV is an emperor! And he's..."

"Wait, really?" said Ammarath, "I thought Egyptians had Pharaohs."

"This... isn't... Egypt... B****!" the rebel guy yelled.

"God, you don't have to get so mad!" Ammarath said, "I'm the one who should be getting impatient here. You've been tying up the snapping camel for like 20 minutes!"

"Sorry," he rubbed his hands over his mask. "I have some anger management problems, and Sek-Duat XV has taken all my money that I used for counseling. Now listen. We know the location of the Orb of Light, and we know that you have to collect all the orbs before your three friends do, 'cause you guys are having some sort of contest."

"You serious?" said Ammarath. "Then we've got a deal on! You take me to the Orb of Light, and I'll help you and your rebel friends overthrow the Sex Duels. Okay?" She stuck out her hand. Rolling his eyes, the rebel guy shook it.

"I'll take you to the Orb of Light," he agreed. "This is wonderful news! I must tell the others before I am captured."

"Captured?"

"Yeah. Sek-Duat XV has set his hound on me."

"Is he going to make you compete in the Sex Duels?" said Ammarath.

"There aren't any Sex Duels! Sek-Duat XV is an EMPEROR!" the rebel guy yelled.

"Sorry! Jeez," said Ammarath. "But I can protect you, you know..."

"Not from Zhoom!" said the rebel guy.

"Zhoom? You know him?"

"He's the one who's trying to track me down, turn me in to Sek-Duat XV!"

"Why would he want you to become a Sex Duel?"

"He's trying to CAPTURE me and give me to the EMPEROR, Sek-Duat XV!"

"Okay!"

"Listen, if I am captured before we reach the resistance... YOU MUST NOT TELL ANYONE that you are working with us!" the rebel guy screamed randomly.

"Okay, cool."

All of a sudden, there were hoofbeats in the distance. A dark brown horse plowed into the snapping camel, and a super-sexy guy jumped off it. He had a curved sword, just like the rebel guy, and no shoes and longish hair and pointy ears... Zhoom.

The rebel guy took out his sword a little too late - he had already fallen down. He dropped the sword as Zhoom put his own sword to the rebel guy's throat.

"Another rebel for Sek-Duat XV. Thank you, stranger, if you had not been distracting him, he might have slipped away again," Zhoom said smoothly. He had a Middle Eastern accent, too.

Ammarath blushed. "Um... no problem! Heh heh. Happy to do my part," she smiled nervously. Everything was suddenly confusing. She had agreed to work for this rebel group due to a bet she and Tiger had made months ago. Now that meant working against Zhoom. Okay... she'd just play along with it for now, and see what happened. If worst came to worst, Lilli could step in and help.

"This sand-rat is a member of the so-called resistance," said Zhoom, now glancing up at Ammarath. "Tell me, did you know you were having a conversation with a wanted man?"

_I remember him differently_, Ammarath thought. She pulled up her super-low-cut gothic dress and made a mental note to look into Sandsea fashions as soon as she was done talking. Her regular mage robes were in her mini backpack on her hip; but based on the heat here, she probably wasn't going to wear them anytime soon.

"Yes, he's a rebel too," said the rebel guy.

"Excuse me, you asshole, I'm a GIRL!" Ammarath yelled, shoving her boobs in his face.

"... and we were just standing in the middle of town, in an open market making plans to defeat you and overthrow the tyrant who hired you!" the rebel guy finished. "Come on, Zhoom, how stupid do you think we are?"

"Very, but I see your point," said Zhoom, "Even you rebels could not be _that_ stupid. This Mage was simply in the wrong place at the right time."

"Hey, I have a name, so stop looking at my boobs," said Ammarath. "It's Ammarath."

"I think the line you're looking for is 'I have a face, so stop looking at my breasts'," said the rebel guy. He was staring too, even more than Zhoom, who wasn't actually staring at Ammarath's chest.

"And anyway," Ammarath continued. "I was just trying to help this guy tie up his snapping camel and maybe buy it off him. Say, did you see where it went?"

"No... oh c***!" Zhoom yelled. His horse, the snapping camel, and Nightingale were all fighting viciously behind Ammarath. He, Ammarath, and the rebel guy all ran over to calm their horses. Zhoom leaped on his and pulled it away. Ammarath held out some sugar cubes. The rebel guy just sat there. When they were finished, he went back to tying up his snapping camel.

"Well, nice knowing you guys," he said casually, "Now if you don't mind, I'll just take my leave..."

"Yes, I do mind," Zhoom said coldly. He quickly tied the rebel guy's hands behind his back and shoved him on his horse. The snapping camel ran off into the desert.

"Well, I guess he won't be needing it anymore," Ammarath said.

"HAHA! I like your attitude, Ammarath," said Zhoom. "I am Zhoom, and I have no plans to kill that man. I just hand them over to Sek-Duat XV."

_I knew he would get put in the Sex Duels!_

"What the emperor does with the members of the resistance is his business," Zhoom continued. "You look like someone who could appreciate a little gold. I'm going to return this man to the palace and collect my bounty. After that I will return here. Come see me if you want some work."

"I'll do that."

"Hey sexy," Rolith said, running up to Tiger. She was leaning against the wall to Oaklore Keep impatiently.

"Took you long enough," she said, running a hand through her red punk hair. "What kept you? I've been waiting for half an hour."

"Sorry, love," Rolith said. "Sneevil emergency."

Tiger snorted. "You put off our date because of _sneevils?_"

"Being in charge of the Keep comes with responsibilities," Rolith said. "Now shall we?"

She grinned. "C'mon."

"Lilli!" Artix smiled. "Glad you came back."

"Hey," Lilli said.

"So, you know how we saved Moonridge the other day?"

Lilli held back a groan. If he expected her to go and almost get stabbed again...

"What about Moonridge?" she asked.

"Well, we basically saved the town," Artix said. "So now the mayor's holding a ceremony for us. You're coming, right?"

"Of course," said Lilli. "When is it?"

Artix thought for a second. "Right now."

"We'd better go, then," Lilli looked at her clothes. She was wearing her regular mage robes, nothing fancy.

"You look great," Artix assured her. "Come on!"

They arrived at the ceremony-thingy just in time, and they went up and stood on a wooden stage while the mayor addressed the people.

"Good people of Moonridge," he began. The crowd started cheering.

"Lend me your EARS!" the mayor shouted. Amidst all the cheering, a little girl threw a zombie ear at him. It hit him in the face.

"Ew! Sally! Leave those left-over zombie parts on the ground!" her mother said.

"Lend me your EYES!" screamed the mayor. Sally threw an eyeball at him.

"Lend me your HEARrr... ok, seriously, Sally, put that down," the mayor said.

"You are getting a nice big lickin' when we get home, young lady," Sally's mother snarled.

"Today we celebrate the saviors of our home!" said the mayor. "Behold our heroes... Lilli and Artix!"

"YYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY YYYYYYY!" the people screamed.

"They selflessly came to Moonridge and defeated a horde of undead invaders!"

Lilli thought that was going a bit far on her part. She hadn't exactly done that much - most of the time she was staring at Artix.

"For this, I am proud to give you the key to the city!" said the mayor.

_The city gets locked up? This just gets stranger and stranger..._

"We have a big night planned, with lots of expensive beer and vodka, but first... Lilli, Artix, if there is anything the grateful people of Moonridge can ever..."

"Excuse me, Mayor," came a voice. "I would like to meet and thank our heroes, personally." Out stepped a purple-haired girl in a super-slutty, red, sleeveless dress. She was very pretty, with blue eyes, wings, and pointy ears like Zhoom's.

"So, you single-handedly defeated the Necromantess' army?" she asked.

"We did our best," said Artix. Lilli sighed. He was always so humble.

"Defeating an undead army of that strength requires a great deal of skill and power," the woman said. "That was quite impressive. Let me be the first to PERSONALLY thank you."

"Please forgive her, heroes," the mayor said. "Lady Vayle is very strange."

"Did you say... Vayle?"

Lilli didn't like Artix's tone. It suggested he and this girl had a history together... she _really_ didn't like that idea.

"It is... just that I knew a girl named Vayle once when I was a young boy," Artix explained, noticing Lilli's expression.

"SALLY, GET OUT OF THERE THIS INSTANT! I TOLD YOU TO STOP POKING THAT ZOMBIE'S PRIVATE PARTS...!" Sally's mother screamed.

"But Mom, look!" said Sally. "When I rub this long thing, it gets all hard and straight..."

_Oh, great,_ Lilli thought. _Let's hope Sally never gets together with Ammarath..._

Suddenly, the stage broke apart. A huge, many-handed zombie stood, roaring. The mayor and townspeople scattered, while Lilli fell to the ground... next to Vayle... argh...

A huge tree began to fall; Lilli knew there wouldn't be time to roll away... But just as Lilli braced herself for the fall, Artix darted in front of her and held up the tree. Wow, he was strong. Lilli hurried to get out of the way, hesitated, and dragged Vayle away from danger too. The woman was completely still, paralyzed with fear.

"Let me help you!" Lilli called to Artix.

"I can hold," he grunted. "But the zombie grabbed the little girl! You have to save her!"

"I'm on it!" Lilli took out her staff.

"Lilli," Artix said. "Be careful."

Lilli charged the monster. The thing was ginormous; she barely went above its knee. And the fact that it had six arms didn't help either; it could come at her from all sides.

Lilli did alright at first, hurriedly doing the pattern Ammarath had shown her. First a spell that increased her powers, then attack with ice, then with flame, all in quick succession. It injured or killed monsters much faster than what would have happened otherwise. She darted between the smashing arms, trying to get to Sally.

Lilli dearly hoped she wouldn't get knocked down again; having Artix save her for a third time would be stupid. Although she appreciated his help more than Ammarath would have (her friend hated ever being in need of anything), she wasn't just some girl who couldn't cope for herself (unlike _some_ purple-haired someone a few yards away).

Thankfully, she didn't need his help. By the time Artix rushed in, sword swinging, the zombie was already moving slower, its reflexes and attacks deteriorating by the moment. It crashed to the ground a few minutes later, and Lilli and Artix rushed to uncover Sally.

"Are you alright, little girl?" Artix asked.

"That was FUN!" Sally squealed delightedly. "Can I go again?"

"She's fine," Lilli said. She caught Artix glancing over his shoulder and added, "Vayle's fine, too. Did anyone else get hurt?"

"Nobody was hurt, thanks to you two," said the mayor. "I was waiting until after the celebration to tell you this, but now seems as good a time as ever. I know that you two are trying to get down to the Necropolis... and I think I know how you can do it! Listen carefully..."

After the celebration, Lilli dearly hoped Artix remembered the complicated instructions the mayor gave them... she was so drunk she wouldn't be able to remember anything the next morning...

**Please review! I know it isn't the best story, my friend and I wrote it for fun, but still... REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! PLEASE!**

**Oh, and about all the grammar mistakes in the first chapter... I know they exist... I'm just too lazy to change them. :)**


End file.
